&#!**%*@ JAR DRAMA....!!

It took me 10 minutes to open this freakin' jar...!!

Finally...at long last.......SHOES....!!!

Picture this:

I have a party to go to this Saturday. I have ONE outfit that will be appropriate…thank God...so I guess I’m set with that. But the only pair of shoes I own are a pair of mules and they are highly inappropriate for the cold weather…and they are certainly not dressy.

I’m sorta limited in where I can shop for shoes. I can’t exactly go into stores because they don’t typically carry wide widths. My enormous feet are very wide at the toes…which…well…limits me.

So…I have been shopping for shoes at zappos.com. They have lots of styles and they have FREE RETURNS. I've purchsed and returned so many shoes I can’t count them.

This week I stepped it up…determined to get a pair for the party on Saturday. Lots of people from the theatre world will be there and meet me as Daya for the first time and I want to feel good about my presentation.

So I ordered and sent back shoes all week. I ordered 2 styles at a time…and since most of them came overnight I was able to try a lot of shoes.

And FINALLY…

I found a pair of basic black dress shoes that don’t make my feet look enormous and are also comfortable.

I’m thrilled…and SO relieved…

So now I have TWO pairs of shoes. Not enough, but a good start.

Another milestone or three…

Well…I sorta faced the demons of being out fully as Daya.

I did my hair and makeup…and with the products and education I got on Friday it went really well. It was so odd riding with Mark to downtown San Jose, knowing there was no turning back. I had been out in public as Daya in San Francisco…but…well...San Jose is a different creature…

We were attending a surprise birthday party at a restaurant. I still didn’t know what I was going to do about the bathroom issue…but I decided to just not worry about it.

The restaurant was almost empty (since it was early) and we were shown to a back room. Very soon after Mark overheard that something was wrong with the kitchen and they were closing the place except for our party.

So…it was public…but very private… I’m not sure if it counts.

I did use the women’s bathroom. It was a single…so that wasn’t a problem either.

One of the waiters called me sir. I guess the next time I go to that restaurant I’ll need to wear a mini dress and heels…!! On the positive side, one friend who I haven’t seen in a while and was sitting at the other end of a long table commented to someone: I’ve never met David's sister…

Hee hee…silver lining...

Good, bad, worse...and WHAAAAA...!!

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted anything…and I’ve been trying to put some thoughts together. I am so busy these days that it’s hard to pin any thought down long enough to put it to paper.

We launched the website for our musical. Please check it out:

www.becomingbritney.com

We are in a mad dash to finish the show for a number of deadlines. We are having a reading of the show so we can hear it out loud and see what works (and what doesn’t). We are also submitting the piece to 2 theatre festivals in New York. These deadlines are fast approaching…and we’ve got lots of matieral to write and put together to send with the script.

In case you haven’t heard, my sister Victoria’s leukemia has returned. She has some in her bone marrow and some in her blood. She’s staring a course of out-patient chemo starting Monday…and she will get another biopsy in 2 months to see if it’s helping. It’s very scary and upsetting…but we’re all trying to remain calm and move through it with positive attitudes.

I’m also trying to decide how to proceed with making a living. My free lance web work has dried up a lot…probably the economy…and I’m confused about how to go forward with a job search.

I’m not living full time as a woman…but I don’t use the name David anymore. I’m also not exactly masculine either…so I’m not sure how I would even present myself at an interview. Who could blame a potential employer from being a hesitant when I’m in such flux as a physical person?

But I have to do SOMEthing. Things are getting desperate. I need to meditate on it and ask friends for advice…and I’m sure it will all work out the way it’s supposed to.

I had a transition milestone last night:

I went to my friend’s fabulous salon/spa (http://www.atelieraveda.com) where she trimmed my hair…showed me how to deal with it...gave me a makeup lesson…and suggested products for my hair and face. It was great to have lots of questions answered and I’m sure it will help me greatly as I proceed. Thanks Karie…!!

But…I still have the bathroom thing that I have to conquer. If I’m going to a restaurant, which bathroom do I use? I’m not really sure how I’m perceived…so I’m not sure. Certainly if I’m in full makeup I won’t be comfortable in the men’s room. But some women get really weird if they perceive a man in their midst, not matter how he’s dressed. Some trans advice suggests that you go to the manager and tell them you are transgender and ask which bathroom they would like you to use. That just seems like unnecessary humiliation.

I guess if I’m with other women I could have them check first to make sure the place is empty.

It’s all such a pain in the ass, frankly. My friend Rebecca says it’s weird the first few times and then it gets easier.

Sometimes I get sick of every facet of my life being such an uphill battle. But I knew that would be the case going in…and these are the times I have to keep my eye on the prize.

Lastly, my weight is not budging. I’ve been working out 5 – 6 days a week for about 5 weeks now…and nothing…no progress. It’s infuriating…and now I know the frustration some women feel about men dropping weight with the blink of an eye. I’ll keep working out becuase I love the endorphins and it’s good for my blood pressure…but…COME ON…!!!

Its record low temps…it’s rainy…and I also have a cold…

And that all sounds so complain-y. I think that’s why I haven’t posted in a while. I feel like bitching all the time. Stress no doubt. Hopefully posting this will help exorcize some of those demons.

I'll try to be better about postsing.