Still kicking around…facing ghosts…
I won’t even open this post with an apology for not posting until now. Let’s just get right to it…
Since New York, things have slowly and steadily calmed down. I’m in a period of routine….and it’s really wonderful. My life has been so insane for so many years it’s really nice to just work at home and do errands and see some movies and exercise…
I’ve been doing electrolysis on my face pretty regularly for a few months and I’m seeing progress. It still intensely painful (and expensive) but my mind and body have somehow found a way to deal with the pain. It’s been a real lesson in finding out how much pain I can tolerate. I’m pretty proud about it…and freakin’ RELIEVED. Electrolysis on my face was one of the major obstacles between me and transition. I just didn’t know how I could go through it. I had 3 hours of it back in 1991 and it was one of the reasons I stopped that transition in its tracks. So, to find the strength to endure it now is a feather in my cap.
Victoria’s spirit helps me with this. I lay on that table...needles stuck in my follicles again and again…my face on fire...feeling like my skin is turning inside out from the pain...
…and I think of all the pain Victoria went through. She endured all that torment…and she didn’t complain. She was very definite with me that I should proceed with transition and be myself. So, in her honor and memory, I lay there and find an inner strength I didn’t know I had. And I’m relieved.
I’ve been working on web work fairly consistently. It’s been good. The weather is finally cooling down and that’s fantastic.
I’ve been feeling nostalgic…no…more than mere nostalgia. I’ve been feeling healthy enough to face some of the ghosts of my past. I’ve been reaching out in emails to people from my past who I think I’ve harmed in some way. I guess it’s like my own 12 step program in a way. Mostly, my past is kind of a blur to me and I really want to put some of the pieces together.
Some have written back. Some haven’t. I don’t blame anyone if they don’t want to respond.
It’s been interesting and liberating to reach out. It makes me feel healthier and more grounded.
I wish I could have realized these things before turning 45 years old…but better late than never I suppose.
Since New York, things have slowly and steadily calmed down. I’m in a period of routine….and it’s really wonderful. My life has been so insane for so many years it’s really nice to just work at home and do errands and see some movies and exercise…
I’ve been doing electrolysis on my face pretty regularly for a few months and I’m seeing progress. It still intensely painful (and expensive) but my mind and body have somehow found a way to deal with the pain. It’s been a real lesson in finding out how much pain I can tolerate. I’m pretty proud about it…and freakin’ RELIEVED. Electrolysis on my face was one of the major obstacles between me and transition. I just didn’t know how I could go through it. I had 3 hours of it back in 1991 and it was one of the reasons I stopped that transition in its tracks. So, to find the strength to endure it now is a feather in my cap.
Victoria’s spirit helps me with this. I lay on that table...needles stuck in my follicles again and again…my face on fire...feeling like my skin is turning inside out from the pain...
…and I think of all the pain Victoria went through. She endured all that torment…and she didn’t complain. She was very definite with me that I should proceed with transition and be myself. So, in her honor and memory, I lay there and find an inner strength I didn’t know I had. And I’m relieved.
I’ve been working on web work fairly consistently. It’s been good. The weather is finally cooling down and that’s fantastic.
I’ve been feeling nostalgic…no…more than mere nostalgia. I’ve been feeling healthy enough to face some of the ghosts of my past. I’ve been reaching out in emails to people from my past who I think I’ve harmed in some way. I guess it’s like my own 12 step program in a way. Mostly, my past is kind of a blur to me and I really want to put some of the pieces together.
Some have written back. Some haven’t. I don’t blame anyone if they don’t want to respond.
It’s been interesting and liberating to reach out. It makes me feel healthier and more grounded.
I wish I could have realized these things before turning 45 years old…but better late than never I suppose.
posted by Daya Curley at
9:44 AM
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