More than a woman...

There are lots of exciting things going on in my life. My gender transition is a big one…but not the only one.

I made the decision a year ago to stop performing. I knew I would have to do so in order to transition. Being a union performer puts me in heavy competition for very few jobs in the Bay Area…and I am not prepared or interested in trying to compete as an female actor. I’ve been performing for almost 6 years…and it’s been glorious, but it’s time to move on to other endeavors.

Having said that, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay away from performing completely. I do love to sing. But…the hormones I take will never change my baritone voice…so…well…I don’t really know what to do with that.

I’ve always wanted to write a musical…and now I have the opportunity. Earlier this year my friend Molly Bell and I began brainstorming ideas we might develop into a live show. We talked for a few weeks about a sketch-type stage project…but that kept hitting dead ends.

There was a kernel of an idea slithering around in Molly's brain about a Britney Spears-like pop performer. She approached me with an idea for a full length show about Britney herself…and she invited me to collaborate with her. We started working on it last February and haven’t stopped since.

The show we’re writing is called BECOMING BRITNEY. We've finished the general outline and shape of the show. We have the songs and know what happens over the 90-minute length. We also just recently…like yesterday…finished a few demo recordings.

Molly and I are co-writers…co-producers…co-directors…and she will star in the show. We’re hoping to do a staged reading workshop of the show in February…and at some point soon we want to mount the show for real.

It’s all very exciting…and fun…and really really creatively satisfying.

We had some invaluable musical assistance at the very beginning from the fabulous Billy Liberatore. And since then we’ve been working with Matt Hohensee, who has assisted us in forcing the scattered thoughts in our heads into some kind of sense on the keyboard and on paper. Matt has done a Herculean job of making it so…and also tolerating what I call my “maelstrom of specificity”, which leaves the weak-hearted feeling like they want to run a spike through their temple.

I'm very specific.

I should also publicly thank Katie Coleman...Matt's lovely partner...for putting up with us and even jumping in and lending hand and voice when necessary.

So…along the way you’ll be hearing about this project as well.

In fact, here’s a preview of one of the demo recordings. This is called “My I Want Song”. I’ve printed the lyrics below so you can follow along. Be patient...the player may take a few moments to load depending on your Internet connection speed.

Enjoy!





“My I Want Song” from BECOMING BRITNEY
Copyright 2007 Molly Bell and D Curley

THIS IS THE TIME IN MY STORY
WHERE I MANAGE TO BREAK IT ALL DOWN
IT IS HERE AT THIS POINT
WHERE I LEARN FROM MISTAKES
IT IS HERE IN THE STORY THAT YOU GET A TASTE OF ME

THIS IS THE TIME IN MY STORY
CAUSE IT'S ABOUT THE THIRD OR FOURTH SONG
IT IS HERE AT THIS PLACE
WHERE YOU START TO CRY CAUSE MY BEAUTIFUL VOICE IS MELODIC AND FLIES

I NEED AN I WANT SONG
SOMETHING COOL AND LIGHT AND GAY
AN I WANT SONG
TO SEND MY TROUBLES ON THEIR WAY

CAUSE IN A MUSICAL YOU NEED A SONG
THAT MAKES YOU SWOON AND HUM ALONG
AN I WANT SONG
WHERE IS MY I WANT SONG?

I'M JUST LIKE THOSE OTHER HEROES
DREAMED A DREAM WITH BANNERS UNFURLED
LIKE ANNIE YEARNED FOR TOMORROW
AND ARIEL LONGED TO BE LEGGY
AND PART OF OUR WORLD

LIKE FRAULEIN MARIA WANTED ALL OF THOSE CHILDREN
TO LOOK UP TO HER, NOW I SEE
THAT I'M MUCH LIKE THEM AND I NEED FIND
A WAY TO PORTRAY IN THREE MINUTES OR MORE
MY HARD KNOCK AND CONFIDENT AND
LOVERLY DESIRE TO BE FREE

I NEED AN I WANT SONG
TO DESCRIBE INTERNAL STRIFE
AN I WANT SONG
TO GIVE MY FANTASY A LIFE

I NEED A SONG THAT MAKES THE PUBLIC DANCE
AND GIVES ME MY DESERVING CHANCE
AN I WANT SONG
WHERE IS MY I WANT SONG?

AND THE MUSIC STARTS TO SOAR
AND YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT RISE
I AM BELTING WAY UP HIGH
WATCH ME BRIGHTEN UP MY EYES

BET YA HAVEN'T HEARD ME SING LIKE THIS
WELL THERE'S A LOT ABOUT ME YOU DON'T KNOW
I'LL FIND MY I WANT SONG
I EXPLORE MY FEELINGS AND START TO GROW

I GUESS THE TIME IS HERE
YOU CAN FEEL THE MUSIC START TO PUMP
I TELL YOU ABOUT MY FEAR
HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS SLUMP
AS THE CHORDS BEGIN TO CHANGE
I TELL YOU WHAT I'M TRYING TO BE

YOU MAY THINK IT STRANGE
A GIRL LIKE ME HAS ALL AND MORE
IT'S TIME I REARRANGE
PRIORITIES DOWN TO MY CORE
WATCH ME ARTICULATE
I FEEL SO ALIVE AND FREE

I SEE IT, I HEAR IT
I HEAR IT, I SEE IT
I SEE IT AND HEAR IT
I FOUND IT, MY SONG!
I FOUND MY I WANT SONG
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I SAY
MY I WANT SONG
AND YOU'LL LISTEN ANYWAY
CAUSE IN THIS MUSICAL THIS IS A SONG
TO MAKE YOU SWOON AND HUM ALONG

AS I DISCUSS MY FUTURE FATE
NOW AS THE MUSIC STARTS TO POUR
I WILL NO LONGER HESITATE
I'LL BE THE GIRL I'M LOOKING FOR
LOOKING FOOOOOOORRRRR

GIRL SHE’S LOOKING, LOOKING FOR!

THIS IS HER I WANT SONG
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT WE SAY
THIS IS HER I WANT SONG
WE'RE SECONDARY ANYWAY
CAUSE IN A MUSICAL YOU NEED A SONG
TO MAKE YOU SWOON AND HUM ALONG
SEE IN A MUSICAL THERE COMES A TIME
TO DISTRACT YOUR MINDS WITH SIMPLE RHYMES
AND IN THIS MUSICAL, WHICH IS ABOUT THAT GIRL

THIS SONG'S MY PROMISE TO TAKE ON THE WORLD
I FOUND MY I WANT SONG
ARE YOU CRYING YET?

OKAYYYYYYY!


And one last thing...I love Corrinne madly...!! She knows what that means...

Today is, in fact, another Daya...

SEVERAL more Dayas actually...!

As I suspected, many of you have offered your own blog titles...and I want to share them here.

Before I go any farther I have to give some credit to my partner Mark for riffing the original list with me on a long walk the other night. When I didn't credit him in yesterday's post, he threatened (ever so gently) to never walk with me again. So, thank you my love...!!

I hadn’t included everything from the original list. Here are the dregs:

Here toDaya, gone tomorrow
The good old Dayas
As honest as the Daya is long
Call it a Daya
Forever and a Daya
I wasn’t born yesterDaya
Naked as the Daya you were born
Groundhog Daya
Bright as Daya
Clear as Daya
One Daya my prince will come
The living Dayalights
Save it for a rainy Daya
Shall I compare thee to a summer's Daya

And here are some offerings from you brilliant people. I won’t use names in case y’all don’t want to be listed here. You’ll know who you are…


DAY-a! Me say Day, me say Day, me say Da-a-a-a-ya!
(dayalight come, and me wanna go home...)

Daya The Dead

Around the World in 80 Dayas

Dayas of Our Lives

Long Daya's Journey Into Night

Oh Happy Daya

Great Daya in the morning!

Happy Dayas are here again!

What a difference a Daya makes

I have always Daya-pended on the kindness of strangers

All Daya all night, Maryann


Ok…

We’re done?

That was fun.

I should also point out a comment sent to me by my brother-in-law. I had opened the blog by saying “I'm not sure spilling one's guts in a public diary is the best way to leave a legacy.”…to which he replied “Well you could always password protect it.”

I presented BS as philosophy and he called it BS. Keep me honest, people…!! That’s what I need.

I was in San Francisco today for my last regularly scheduled therapy session. I never thought I’d feel it, but I just have no urgent issues to work out these days. There’s the usual “accepting myself” bullshit…but that’s coming…slowly…and it needs to come from within me anyway.

So…I’m on my own…the mistress of my own domain. And, as I’ve recently discovered in a major way…I’ve got all of YOU as well. I am emboldened by your love and I can’t fail…!!

What's in a name...?

First off, I'm not even sure why I'm blogging. While I'm a person who is open about her life and adventures (anything for a good story) I'm not sure spilling one's guts in a public diary is the best way to leave a legacy.

I also don't want this to be just one more meditation on a gender transition...although that's a subject always in need of more teachers.

In the end I've decided to let this space become what it will in an organic manner. I will strive to not go overboard on the self-editing...and I will also pledge to not be maudlin.

If I fail in either of these tasks I count on any possible readers to let me know. We'll discuss.

Who the hell will be reading this bloody thing anyhow?

Whatever.

I wanted this first post to be about names. My new name...and the name of this blog...

What's in a name? It's kinda like getting a tattoo in that it should be a name you plan on keeping for a while, right? It's all about branding, babies. We are all our own PR machines these days. Yes?

So...earlier this year...with this self-imposed pressure...I set out to once and for all (and finally) choose a feminine name for myself. I had started transition in the past...back in 1991. I was 28 and a cigarette smoker (a potentially deadly thing when taking massive amounts of estrogen)...and I partied pretty hard...all in an effort to force myelf through transition without having to actually think about it or deal with the assiociated emotional pain that I assumed would consume me. I backed off transition at that time before I had the necessity to choose a new moniker.

Now, I had to do it for reals. So I buckled in…

I have always had a few rules about naming myself:

1. The name had to start with a "D"
2. It had to have 2 syllables
3. The first syllable had to have a long "A" sound
4. I couldn't know anyone with the same name (lest someone think I named myself after them)

My "slave name" (as my friend refers to it) does not have a natural feminine equivalent...unless you consider Davida a good name. And I don't.

Anyhoo…long story short…I eventually landed on “Daya”. It sorta spoke to me and while at least one friend (and my aunt Peggy) expressed disagreement with the choice, I decided to test drive it.

Then I Googled the word.

Turns out, according to Wikipedia, it’s a word in the Sikh religion meaning Compassion...one of five essential qualities including Truth, Contentment, Humility and Love.

I was sold…

...and now it feels like a natural part of me…much more quickly than I would have imagined. No one really refers to me as David anymore unless by accident. It’s been a smoother part of my transition thus far than I thought it might be.

Wheeee...!!

The second and last part of this post is about a much less important naming issue:

What to call this blog?

Of course, lots of titles presented themselves immediately…

One Daya at a time
Daya by Daya
Dayas of Wine and Roses
Daya in and Daya out
This is the Daya
Red letter Daya
I wasn’t born yesterDaya
All in a Daya’s work
Tomorrow is another Daya
Eight Dayas a week
A Daya late and a dollar short
Night and Daya
In this Daya and age
Make my Daya!
Rome wasn’t built in a Daya
Bad hair Daya
Another Daya another dollar
That’ll be the Daya
No Daya but toDaya
Have a nice Daya
A hard Daya’s night
Hump Daya
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do toDaya
Seize the Daya
A cold Daya in hell
Just one of those Dayas
Queen for a Daya
Same shit, different Daya
Thank God it’s FriDaya
Broad Dayalight
Rain, rain go away; come again some other Daya
If ifs and buts where candy and nuts, every Daya would be Christmas
ToDaya is the first Daya of the rest of your life

But…now that I’ve got that out of my system…I’m going with the sublimely simple DAYA THE BLOG.

Now go outside and play…!!